Living hundreds of miles away from extended family can make visits precious, but distance does not always foster consideration. One couple living 500 miles from their nearest relatives discovered this firsthand with a college-age niece attending a university about 50 miles from their home. While they welcome her visits—often prompted by a desire to escape roommate drama—her chronic unreliability has strained the relationship. The niece frequently promises to arrive at a specific time only to show up hours or days late. During a recent visit, she announced plans to arrive on a Friday afternoon but did not appear until Sunday afternoon, leaving her aunt and uncle waiting despite sending status updates.
The disruption goes beyond mere tardiness. The hosts often set aside regular activities, purchase special groceries, and make reservations, only to spend their time sitting at home after canceling other plans. The problem appears systemic within the family. The niece’s parents exhibit similar behavior when traveling to the region or expecting the couple to travel up to 100 miles to meet them. They frequently alter plans, cram excessive activities into a single day, and push visits to closing time. Conversely, when the couple visits them, the relatives rarely alter their own schedules, express surprise when their guests arrive promptly, and occasionally leave them waiting for hours at a prearranged meeting time. Feeling used, the reader asked how to address the behavior without causing alienation.
In response, the advice column characterized the relatives’ behavior as boorish and disrespectful, noting that they have passed their disregard for others’ feelings onto their daughter. The column advised the couple to have a direct conversation with the niece, establishing that she should cancel rather than leaving them hanging for two days if she cannot make the agreed date, and warning her that they will not remain home if she arrives hours late. A similar boundary was recommended for the parents, suggesting the couple carry on without them or return home if left waiting for more than 30 minutes.
In a separate inquiry, a mother sought guidance regarding her seven-year-old daughter, who has not seen her father in years. The father wants no relationship with the child, has hidden the child from his own family, and ignores calls from the department of child support. The mother questioned whether she should cut off contact permanently and asked if she could force him to have a relationship.
The columnist responded that an uninterested parent cannot be forced to build a relationship, confirming that the mother would be justified in cutting him out of her life completely. However, the column raised a crucial legal consideration, asking whether the mother had consulted an attorney. Even if a father refuses to be present emotionally or physically, legal obligations typically require financial support.
The column also included seasonal reminders, noting the end of daylight saving time at 2 a.m. on Sunday, alongside recommendations to replace batteries in fire alarms and smoke detectors. Founded in 1956 by Pauline Phillips, the column was penned for nearly four decades by Jeanne Phillips under the familiar pen name.
